Child abuse and neglect

Ever since I gave birth to June, I find that any news item on child abuse and/or neglect totally breaks my heart. Every time I look at my daughter, I cannot help but wonder: how could anyone have feelings other than complete love and devotion for their child? Yet child abuse occurs daily. I know that I am very lucky because I have a child who hardly gives us any trouble. I have a partner who adores her and looks after her. We have a maid/nanny who also takes good care of her. In addition to all the help I have in raising June, I also have fond memories of my childhood and the love given to me by my own parents. I am aware that child abusers have often been abused as children, so I am fortunate to be able to pass on to June love, instead of abuse.

As I have been following the media coverage about the 23-year old single mother who abandoned her two young children in her apartment and thus starved them to death, the initial shock has been replaced by sadness, then with anger. The anger is not directed at the mother, though. It is directed at the media, and at the young woman's family.

I am in no way denying the atrocious neglect committed by the mother. How could someone in charge of two young lives be so irresponsible? She says she wanted some time of her own. Well, the moment we give birth, we mothers no longer have time of our own. That's the life of a mother. Didn't she think about this before, and after, she became a mother?

But these descriptions of the young mother's behaviour, and the accusations against her, make me more sad than anything else. What makes me angry, though, is the way the media has chosen to depict the mother: she is an irresponsible prostitute who killed her children. She was selfish, she wanted her freedom, and went partying and enjoyed herself while her children were slowly starving to death.

But the question that haunts me is this: WHY, oh why, was this young woman prostituting herself? Why did she feel like she did not have any freedom? Because no one was helping her raise her children, that's why. What's conspicuously missing in most of the media coverage is mention of this woman's family members--people who, in my opinion, should have been providing her with the support she needed to raise her children. How could it be that she was tasked with raising two children all by herself--without any support from her former husband, her parents, her ex-parents-in-law? What about daycare centres where she could have placed her children? How on earth does anyone expect a young woman with limited skills--who had left her job to give birth to and raise her children--to raise them after she was divorced? If she had financial support from her ex-husband or other family members, she probably would not have had to resort to selling her body to make a living and raise her children; if she had childcare support, she would not have felt so trapped, so lonely, so constrained, in raising her children. In the Japan Times article above, the former mother-in-law of the mother is quoted as saying "I hate her now". Well, I would like to say to her: hate yourself, for not helping the mother, and your grandchildren.

The media's focus on the mother and the inability of the child abuse SOS centre that had not sufficiently followed up on repeated anonymous phone calls by a fellow resident of the apartment building is pointing the finger in the wrong direction, and will not save any more child abuse and neglect cases in the future. This is because it is not just the young mother that failed her children. It is her family, and the society that failed them.

Another news item that's been prevalent in the media is that many centenarians in Japan are missing. Children of these supposed centenarians have been quoted as saying that they have not seen their parents for decades. So it's not just the children we are neglecting--but also, the old. What has our society come to? How can any society call itself civilized, and yet neglect the young and the old?

May the souls of the young children rest in peace.

Photo by by robertpaulyoung, available from flickr.com/photos/robertpaulyoung/151452810/

Olive Nails

先日行ったネイルサロンは、Plaza Senayan の Sogo にある、Olive Nails 。現在 Sogo が改装中なので、１階の出入り口の近くというちょっとオープンなスペースにありましたが、改装が終わったら（おそらく）もうちょっと落ち着いた場所に移るのでしょう。韓国人の女性がオーナーで、印象としては、全てのスタッフがとてもきちんと訓練を受けている感じでした。ネイルのカラーを選ぶのも、センスのよい色をサジェストしてくれて、きれいな色に仕上げることができました。普通のマニキュアとペディキュアで、250,000 rp. 二人のスタッフが同時にやってくれるので、乾かす時間含めて１時間で終わるのがうれしいです。

それにしても、ネイルポリッシュやポリッシュリムーバーはとても体に悪い化学物質が使われていることが知られているでしょうか。私はあの臭いがとても嫌いで、閉め切ったサロンには行かないようにしています。アメリカの National Healthy Nail Salon Alliance のサイトにあるように、サロンでよく使われているもっとも体に悪い化学物質「the toxic trio」とは、トルエン（toluene）、ホルムアルデヒド（formaldehyde）とフタル酸ジブチル（Dibutyl phthalate: DBP）。このサイトからダウンロードできるガイドには、この３つの毒を使っていないネイルポリッシュのリストがあります。

Sogo にあった Olive Nails には、とてもお腹が大きい妊娠後期の女性が働いていました。上記の３つの化学物はとても体に悪く、特にトルエンは胎児への影響が心配されているようです。私が妊娠しているときは、ネイルサロンにもヘアサロンにも行きませんでしたが、これらのサロンで働いている女性達は誰が守ってくれるのでしょうか。本人が知らなく、サロンのオーナーも何もしなければ（害があることを知らないかもしれないし、知っていても何もしないかもしれない）、我々消費者が行動を起こさなければなりません。インドネシアでどのようなことができるのか、調べてみようと思っています。