Bébés nageurs

June が７ヶ月になったころから、近くのプールで Bébés nageurs へ通っています。直訳すると「赤ちゃんスイマー」ですが、基本的には、水に慣れさせるための水遊び。お風呂もあまり好きでない June ですが、最近ようやく慣れてきて、水の中で大泣きする回数は減りました。

日本ではオムツが取れないとプールに入れないようですが、フランスでは水中用のオムツが売っています。おしっこは通してしまうようですが、大きいのがもれるのを防ぐようです。

パリでこの Bébés nageurs クラスをいくつかの団体が開催しているようですが、我々が通っているのは、Archimède のです。２人のインストラクター（もう一人、ヘルパーがいます）に対し、４－８グループ（赤ちゃん＋親、両親の場合がほとんど）がいます。プールは３０度前後の温められています。

私は大学卒業するまで競泳をしていいました。June に水泳選手になって欲しいわけではないけれど、水を怖がる子どもにはなって欲しくないと思い、始めました。日曜の朝早く、毎週頑張っています。

ode to my breastpump

You came to my house over a year ago, when I was getting ready to go back to work. You were disguised an a sleek black backpack. Not only did you accompany me on the daily commute on the Paris metro, you even came with me to Turkey and to the US. Yes, two international flights under your belt!

Everyday, you would do your work, 15-20 minutes at a time, sometimes up to three times a day. You worked superbly and efficiently, in my office, at home, and in public toilet stalls. You extracted out of me more than enough for what June needed.

Yes it's true that June did not learn to take the bottle, and much of the milk that you pumped out of my breasts was not consumed by her. However, your played an important role in keeping up my milk supply--and I am eternally grateful to you for that.

I no longer need you, as June is eating enough solids during the day, and now that she is over one year old, she is able to drink cow's milk during the day. The last pumping session was over two months ago, and the last of the frozen milk has now been drunk by June.

Thanks, breastpump. You helped maintain my milk supply , you saved my breasts from engorgement, and you allowed June to take small amounts of milk when I was unable to be with her. I can say with pride that except for the first week of her life in the hospital, June did not have to drink a drop of formula. I have been able to raise her on my breastmilk alone.

Rest your motor in peace.

Happy Birthday

Dear June,

I cannot believe that it's already been one year since we welcomed you to this world.

When you came out of me that day one year ago, you looked at me, and I was astonished—not only by how small you were, but also, how large your eyes were. You stared at me with those big, liquid eyes, as if to ask: who are you?

You were seven weeks old when you gave me that first smile, and nine weeks old when you first squealed with laughter. Do you know that every time you smile, or laugh, it makes me happy as well?

At 10 weeks, you were ready sleeping through the night. I was so worried about that—could not believe how you could go without anything to eat for six hours or more—but of course, you were just trying to let us sleep!

You were not even 3 months old when you doubled your birth weight. I was so proud of you, and I must admit, with myself too, for being able to nourish you.

You were not even 17 weeks old when I went back to work, and left you with the nanny. I had to wipe tears away from my eyes after I left you, but you were having a good time!

You rolled over at 4 months. That's when we realized we can no longer leave you on our bed alone.

You took your first plane ride—an overseas trip, to Turkey—when you were 19 weeks old. This was also around the time when we could no longer eat in restaurants while keeping you sleeping inside the sling.

At 23 weeks, you went swimming for the first time. I hope you enjoy the baby swimming sessions every week, as much as we do.

At six months and one day old, you had your first solid food—rice gruel. Since then, you have enjoyed a variety of foods, but rice remains your favourite.

You took your second plane ride—another international trip, this time to Sweden to see friends—when you were 7.5 months old.

Crawling was an east feat for you, at 8 months. Your pincer grasp also developed about the same time. You wanted to grab every little thing you found, even trying to pick out the wood grain on our hardwood floor!

You first teeth—two bottom teeth—came out when you were 8 months and 1 week old. I was afraid you were going to bite me when you nursed, but to this day—you now have four upper teeth coming out—you have not.

I was so nervous before the trip the two of us took together to the US, when you were a little over 8 months old, but you were such an angel both during the plane ride and in your first car ride! I was able to concentrate on my studies while you stayed in daycare. Thank you. Unfortunately, though, you did not like swimming in the ocean.

At 9 months, you pulled yourself up in the standing position. You are now able to do that without the help of anything to hold on to.

You made us so proud by being an angel (again!) during the 12-hour plane ride, to and from Japan, at 10 months old. We hope you enjoyed meeting your grandparents, uncle, aunts, and cousins. You also went on your first canoe ride in Japan; the trip over the water was so soothing for you, you fell asleep after half hour.

You were 11.5 months old when you put your head under water in the pool. How surprised you were!

I hope you are as proud as we are of all your achievements up till now.

The biggest achievement, though, is all the joy you have given us. Every day we spend with you is a blessing.

Happy birthday, June. We look forward to sharing your happiness for many more years to come.

The case for breastfeeding

An article recently published in the Atlantic magazine titled "The Case Against Breast-feeding" prompted a lot of discussion in a parenting forum that I am a member of. The article was lauded by some—most notably those who did not breastfeed—for being a balanced article and for helping alleviate their guilt, while the pro-breastfeeders shot down the sensationalist journalism and criticized the author for damaging the breast-feeding agenda.

The article starts off by a very provocative claim: that breastfeeding is "this generation's vacuum cleaner—an instrument of misery that mostly just keeps women down."

Now, there is probably no housework that I hate more than vacuuming, so I was intrigued.

According to the author, Hanna Rosin, the benefits of breastfeeding are not so clear in the medical literature, despite what the parenting books and magazines claim. Moreover, breast-feeding mothers are often "miserable, or stressed out, or alienated by nursing", and their marriages are put under stress as a result. Furthermore, breast-feeding sets up an unequal dynamic in marriage—co-parenting becomes difficult to attain when a child is breastfed. So, despite all this, why is breastfeeding "the real ticket into the club"? Why are upper middle-class, chic & urban mothers judged by how they brave the tribulations of breastfeeding?

As a feminist, I found one claim that Ms Rosin makes extremely valid—that one of the reasons given as a pro for breastfeeding, the lower costs, is completely BS; breastfeeding is cheaper than formula-feeding only "if a woman's time is worth nothing." Moreover, having exclusively breastfed June for 6 months now, some of the negative points of breastfeeding mentioned by Ms Rosin did resonate with me. Let me also add to the list:

• no "off-time": I am not sure if any parent can ever have time when she can be "off", but a breast-feeding mother must always think about her milk—whether it is about giving it to her baby directly, or pumping it when she is away from the baby. When out with a baby, the mother must always think about when and where to feed next. Unlike for the formula-fed baby, feeding is just as about the mother as well as the baby. For a mother, bursting breasts are just as difficult to bear as a crying baby!
  
• more burden on the mother: related to the above. A hungry baby can only be soothed by a mother's breast, if the baby is exclusively breast-fed.


• always concerned about milk supply: it is easy to fall into the habit of thinking, "is my baby getting enough to eat?" and being obsessing about weight gain of the baby, as this is the only way for us to gauge if the baby is eating well, and whether the milk supply is enough.
  
• dry skin: I am not sure if this has to do with the breastfeeding or not, but ever since I gave birth, my skin has become so dry, nothing manages to keep my skin moist! The number of wrinkles on my face has definitely increased in the past few months.
  
• loss of libido: unfortunately... though I am not sure how much libido any sleep-deprived parent has, when tending to a demanding baby!
  

Many articles, blogs and comments have appeared as a response to this article. The response made by members of the United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) is worth noting here, as it mentions something that is often not stressed enough in parenting books—that breastfeeding is not only good for the child, but also for the mother. So, by choosing to breastfeed, the mother is not necessarily succumbing to self-sacrifice to do what's best for the child. A recent article in the BBC titled "Breastfeeding 'protects mother'" also attests to this issue, that breastfeeding not only facilitates faster recovery of the mother after birth, but has longer-term health implications. Furthermore, the USBC argues that breastfeeding can be easier and less time-consuming than washing and sterilizing bottles and buying and preparing formula. Although I have never prepared formula, now that I have gone back to work and June is being fed expressed milk, I can fully sympathize with the hassle of washing and sterilizing bottles and teats.

That Ms Rosin neglects to mention the dark side of breastfeeding—the toxic chemicals present in breast milk—is a glaring omission, for an article that claims to make a case against breastfeeding. If anything, that is the factor that should be seriously considered by any concerned mother. As it is written in Sandra Steingraber's Having Faith, "when it comes to persistent organic pollutants (POPs), breast milk is the most contaminated of all human foods"; situated on top of the food chain, "breastfed babies have greater dietary exposures to toxic chemicals than their parents". A serious discussion on breastfeeding should not neglect to mention the choice women are forced to make: whether "we should feed our babies chemically contaminated, yet clearly superior, breast milk or chemically uncontaminated, yet clearly inferior, formula".

It would have been more accurate if the article had been titled "The case for pro-choice". I myself have problems with "breast-feeding fascists" and no mother who does not breast-feed should be made to feel guilty. At the same time, living in a country where only 15% of babies are breastfed at 6 weeks, where people around me often look at me in consternation when I tell them that yes my baby is still (!) exclusively fed breast milk, I feel that what's called for is an environment that is more supportive of a woman's choice on this matter.

On the day that June turned 6 months old, I must say that I am very happy of the choice I have made to breastfeed my daughter exclusively for the first six months of her life.

The diagram on this page was taken from the Permaculture Research Institute of the USA's website, http://www.permacultureusa.org/2008/08/13/pesticides-and-you/

仕事復帰

明日から仕事へ復帰します。とりあえず２ヶ月間はパートタイム（半日勤務）で、そして June が６ヶ月になる４月末からはフルタイムで。彼女を置いて仕事に戻るのは複雑な気持ちですが、ようやく彼女を預けるところも見つかり、ほっとしています。


日本を含む世界のメディアでは、フランスは育児のサポートがしっかりしているから女性も仕事を続けながら赤ちゃんを生むことができる。だからフランスの出生率はヨーロッパ一高い、というように言われています。しかし、実際には June を預けるところを見つけるのは大変でした。妊娠６ヶ月から情報収集を始め、実際に決まったのは２週間前。ちょっとストレスフルでしたね。

パリで赤ちゃんをフルタイムに預かってもらうオプションとしては：

1. Creches ： 保育園。これには creches collectives と creches familiales があります。私の理解では、前者は大人数の赤ちゃんを一つの場所で預かる場所。後者は assistantes maternelles という保育園に雇われている保育士さん（直訳は「お母さんのアシスタント」）が、２－３人の赤ちゃんを各自の家で預かり、１ヶ月に１，２回 creches collectives のようにみんなで集まる。両方とも２ヶ月半の赤ちゃんから預けることができます（フランスの産休は出産前６週間出産後１０週間の計１６週間なので）。
   
   保育園は区立（creches municipales）のものと私立（creches associatives）のものがあります。区立のは妊娠６ヶ月の時に申し込みをしなければなりません。年に３回くらい空席を埋める委員会があります。Creches は値段もリーズナブル（親のサラリーによって費用が変わる）ですが競争率がとても高く、我々は預ける枠に入ることができませんでした。話によると、我々が住んでいる区では４人に１人の赤ちゃんの枠しかないそうです。住んでいる区には８つほど私立の保育園があるようですが、我々は区立の保育園しか連絡を取りませんでした。
   
2. Assistantes maternelles independentes : 独立している保育士さんが、自分の家で２－３人赤ちゃんを預かります。これは PMI (Protection maternelle et infantile) が管轄しています。パリ市による訓練を受け、各区の PMI がリストを管理しています。値段的には creches より高くかかります。私は何人かの assistantes maternelles の家を訪問したのですが、いまいちいいと思える人が見つかりませんでした。場所もかなり我が家から離れていて、交通の便もいいところに住んでいる保育士さんもいませんでした。でもやはり一番気に入らなかったのは、一緒に預かってもらっている赤ちゃんの親と知り合いになれないことでした。
   
3. Garde a dominicile: nounou （保母さん）が家に来てくれるシステム。もちろん理想は赤ちゃん一人に保母さん１人なんですが、それでは費用がかなり増えるので、garde partagee といって保母さんをシェアするシステムがあります。これは Paris Services Familles や Bebe Nounou などのサイトで相手を探すことができます。我々はこれらのサイトを通じてシェアする家族と保母さんを見つけることができました。色々なネットワークを通じて保母さん何人かと連絡もとったのですが、結局は既に保母さんがいる家族を見つけました。費用的には assistantes maternelles と同じくらいです。

June と一緒に預かってもらうのは、２歳３ヶ月の男の子と７ヶ月の女の子のフランス人の兄弟です。保母さんはコートジボワール出身の４０代くらいの人（ちなみに assistantes maternelles independantes は北アフリカ出身の人がほとんどです）。よいお友達になれるといいのですが。

外出

最近、June との外出が増えました。と言っても、今は June のための外出ではなく、私達の買い物や食事に一緒に連れて行くのです。まだ寝てばっかりいるので、食事中もおとなしくしてくれます（食べ物を落としても大丈夫なようにナプキンを頭・顔の上に置いています）。


我が家では乳母車を買っていません。車がない我々にとって移動手段は地下鉄、電車かバス。パリのメトロはエレベーターやエスカレーターがまだあまり設備されていないため、大きな乳母車での移動はかなり不便です。そこで我々はスリングに入れて常に彼女を身に着けています。スリングなどで赤ちゃんを身に着けることは、色々な面で発育にもいいと言われているし、そのおかげか June は夜も昼もよく寝てくれます。

私が愛用しているのは、New Native のスリング。オーガニックコットンでできています。これに入れて歩くと、気持ちいいのかすぐ寝てしまいます。これは、多くあるベビーキャリアーの中でも新生児から使える数少ないものです。出生後病院から家につれて帰るのもこれに入れました。首が座るようになれば、バリエーションも増えるのですが、まだこの運び方しかできません。

私のパートナーが使っているのは、Baby K'tan というもの。これは両肩に June の体重が乗るので、すこし楽です。 これも他に色々運び方ができます。

３ヶ月となった June は、生まれた時の体重の倍以上になったためか、最近はちょっと重いなと感じるなりました。でも、できるだけ長く身に着けての外出を続けたいと思っています。

Losing cool

I lost my cool at June today, at the stupidest thing.

I was in a hurry to get to my physiotherapist this morning, since I was running late (nothing unusual for me these days now, with a baby). June decided to poo not only once right before I was about to leave, but the second time—and this, right after I had changed her diaper after her first poo. This of course is nothing unusual. But then, while I was taking my time getting her new diaper ready (we are trying cloth diapers these days, so changing diapers is not as easy as before), she decided to take a pee, thus staining her clothes and my shirt. This was also the second time (she peed at me when I was changing her after her first poo as well).

Frustrated, I shouted at her: JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE!!!

I came to my senses when June started crying. She must have sensed my frustration and got scared.

I am sorry, June. I will never shout at you at such a stupid thing again. I will do my best to be a more patient mother, I promise.

たくさんの薬

２ヶ月になるJuneですが、毎日たくさんの薬を飲んでいます。まず、Vitamine K1 Roche。これは、母乳を飲み続ける限り、週１飲まなければなりません。次に、Uvesterolという、ビタミン剤（A, D, E, C）。これは毎日飲ませます。

病院から帰宅してちょっとから June がしょっちゅう授乳後に吐くようになり、胃食道逆流症ということで小児科の先生に薬を処方してもらっています。Mopral というのは胃酸抑制薬で、これは毎日一回。Gaviscon は消化不良治療薬で、授乳後に飲ませます。これは１日５回と言われていますが、とてもまずいらしく、飲んだ後の June の反応があまりにもかわいそうなので、３回にしています。Motilium は消化器官・消化管運動改善薬で、１日４回授乳１５分前に飲ませます。

フランス人は薬好きです。最近読んだBBCの記事によると、ヨーロッパで一番多く抗生物質を消費しているそうです。東京ではどの街角にもコンビニがありますが、パリでは同じくらいたくさんの薬局があります。普段から極力薬を飲まないように努力していた私は、最近まで薬局に足を踏み入れることはほとんどありませんでした。でも、妊娠して、そして子どもを生んでから、薬局にお世話になるようになりました。

これだけの薬が本当に必要なんでしょうか。確かに June の症状はだいぶ良くなってきました。授乳直後はまだ１日１回くらい吐きますが、以前ひどかった、授乳２～３時間後に消化されかけたものを吐き出してしまう（とても苦しそう）はほとんどなくなってきました。夜中に June の叫び声で起こされることはなくなりましたが、お腹が痛そうなのは相変わらずです。

これだけの薬を飲ませ続けるかどうか、最近悩んでいます。

Falling in love

It was not love at first sight. When our eyes locked for the first time, it was not under the best of circumstances; our subsequent encounters were by no means any better.

It is perhaps surprising, then, that we did end up falling in love--well, I did, anyway. When I am not with her, images of her flash in my head. Spending all my days and nights with her has not made me tired of her, but rather, strengthened this feeling I have for my baby, June. She is perhaps the sweetest being that I have ever set my eyes upon.

I learn a new kind of love... it's rooted in the knowledge that I would empty my bank account for her. That I would lay down my life for her. That I would pick up arms for her. That I will defend her against all evil. It's a kind of love so primal and all-encompassing that it would necessitate psychiatric intervention if it involved another adult.
- Sandra Steingraber, in Having Faith -

It is definitely a feeling that was neither immediate nor automatic; motherly love is not instinctive. There were times when we were still in the hospital--especially during botched breastfeeding sessions, before my milk came in--that I was in despair, unsure I could take care of, let alone love, this being.

I definitely feel that this love has been cultivated through the 8- to 12- times daily breastfeeding sessions with her. They are real occasions of intimacy, in many respects. It is through these sessions that I get to know her better--her various facial expressions (she is like a chameleon, really; looking serene and sweet as an angel one moment, all scrunched up with a frog-like expression and screaming her heart out the next), the capillaries on her face, the fine hair on her head, the delicate lines of her lips, the creases that form her ears, each of her eye lashes. Knowing that whatever I consume is conveyed to her, I am careful, more than ever, about what I eat, and the medicine I take. It is definitely a different relationship than when she was within me, perhaps more intense in a way.

The relationship of a mother with her suckling infant is considered to be the strongest of human bonds. Holding the infant to the mother's breast to provide total nutrition and nurturing creates an even more profound and psychological experience than carrying the fetus in utero
- director, Breastfeeding and Human Lactation Study Center at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York -

I am grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed my daughter, and I hope that I will be able to cultivate this relationship for as long as I can.

The birth

Now that more than four weeks have passed since the birth of my daughter, I feel that I am ready to reflect on the experience, which was, unfortunately, a rather disappointing one.

I should start by saying that I am by no means regretting what happened; I am glad that my daughter and I both survived the experience unscathed, and that's what matters. It is just that the process was not at all I had expected, or had hoped for; however, I am also aware that these things never go as expected, and of course I fully accept the course of events that took place.

The birth was, in short, an over-medicalized experience. The moment I walked into the emergency ward at the Notre-Dame de Bon Secours hospital--which I decided to do because I felt that my blood pressure was mounting and I had developed a splitting headache--I was doomed. Because of my soaring blood pressure--which reached 180/120 at one point--and considering that I was 38 weeks pregnant, it was decided that the birth would be induced. 20 hours after some gel was inserted inside my cervix to induce labour, my mucus plug was removed by the midwife, and I was given medication to regularize my contractions. Being tied to several intravenous drips, I was immobilized; when the anesthesiologist came into the birthing room, I readily accepted the epidural. When my dear daughter was born, she was swiftly taken away--and I did not get to see her again until an hour or so after birth, and only in an incubator. After the initial birth, it was more than a day later that I was able to hold my daughter in my arms.

What went wrong? I will start off by saying that the hospital where I gave birth did not provide the holistic care that I needed. The doctor who was supposedly in charge of me saw me only twice during the course of my pregnancy. Even though I went to the hospital regularly, I was seen by different people each time--technicians for various tests, doctors for ultrasound, examinations, and information on anesthesia, and midwife for examinations, etc.--no one person looked at all the test results and examinations, and monitored my total well-being. All the results were in my file, but did anyone spend more than two minutes looking at them? If they had, perhaps the seriousness of my hypertension would not have been overlooked. What would have happened had I decided not to go to the hospital when I had?

In addition, for the duration of my and my daughter's hospitalization, we saw so many caregivers I lost count--a midwife would come once a day to give me medication and ask how I was doing; a nurse would come and take my blood pressure and temperature; another nurse would come and give me some shots, or take blood for tests. I think I saw the same nurse/midwife only twice max. A few of them would have the courtesy to introduce themselves, most did not even bother. As for doctors, four came my way--one to tell me that birth would have to be induced; another doing his rounds while I was being monitored after birth; and two anesthesiologists. Only one of these doctors came to see me more than once (and all of them for duration of no more than five minutes!)

For someone who had hoped for a natural birth experience and had done prior research into it, the over-medicalized turn of events was rather disappointing. Birth was not the life-transforming experience that I had been expected to believe; I was a mere passive participant in a process where I was delivered of my baby, instead of actively giving birth.

In any case, I am more or less fully recovered now--the lochia has stopped, the episiotomy has healed (and no, the midwife did not inform me she was performing this beforehand, just as she did not tell me before manually removing the mucus plug!), I no longer have haemorrhoids, I am nearly (but not quite!) back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My coccyx is the only thing that reminds me on a daily basis the trauma of the birth experience. Now nearly all my time and effort is taken up for taking care of my daughter. That's a whole different story!

Hello world!

Hi there! Let me introduce myself. I am June, Blanca's daughter, and I was born on 30 October 2008. I wasn't quite ready to be born, but they forced me out, because my mother's blood pressure was soaring and this was problematic for both of us. Although I had reached term, since I only weighed 2150g and measured 46cm, I was put in neonatal unit for a few days. Since being discharged after spending 10 days in the hospital, I have regained my birth weight and am doing well.

I am sure that Mum will continue with her musings and rants between nursings--but if she doesn't write very often, you have to be patient, because I am a bit demanding and she is quite sleep-deprived!

That's it from me now. Bye!