Maintaining one's integrity

Last weekend I ran into a Free Tibet demonstration--a cause that I am genuinely sympathetic to. I had to refrain myself from joining the group, however. And there is a reason--because I am an international civil servant.

In all my adult life I have never hesitated to join causes which I felt were important; I have participated in Take Back the Night demonstrations in the US, walked on the streets of Minnesota and Vancouver to fight against racism, and joined forces with my sisters and brothers to combat homophobia, both in Vancouver and Tokyo. There is a reason why I have never participated in a demonstration in France, a country where the right to participate in demonstrations is revered. When I joined my organization four years ago, I was given a small leaflet titled "Report on Standards of Conduct in the International Civil Service". Like any conscientious and enthusiastic employee, I read it.

This booklet starts off by telling us that:

One of the fundamental, if not paramount, standards of conduct derives from the requirement of integrity... For the international official, however, the [United Nations] Charter also requires integrity as a public official, and especially as an international public official... It follows that he must subordinate his private interests and avoid placing himself in a position where those interests would conflict with the interests of the organization he serves [paragraph 4; emphasis original].

We are also told:

To integrity, international outlook and independence, must be added impartiality. Impartiality implies objectivity, lack of bias, tolerance, restraint - particularly when political or religious disputes or differences arise. The staff member's personal views and convictions remain inviolate, but he has not the freedom of a private person to "take sides"... or public express his convictions on matters of a controversial nature... [paragraph 8].

So, like a good international civil servant, I refrain. I refrain from publicly expressing my convictions on matters that are important to me. I find it so contradictory, however, because respect for human rights and cultural diversity are exactly the things the organization to which I belong promote! But of course we are not allowed to express our personal opinions on them, so as not to offend the Member State.

The more I think about it, however, the more I start reconsidering my job as an international civil servant--how can one maintain her integrity if she is denied the right to be true to her values and morals, her wish for a better and peaceful world?