Firing household staff

I've had to let go of my driver today. It was a very difficult experience for me.

It was difficult because there wasn't any major problem with him (i.e., he hasn't been in an accident or stolen money or anything of that sort). But accumulation of little incidents can get pretty stressful.

He was a good driver in the sense that he has never got into accidents (there is not a scratch on my car yet!), drives carefully most of the time, doesn't use the horn excessively, and has been honest with cash when we asked him to run errands for us. He washes the car daily and is punctual (although once he was sick and did not call me ahead to say that he was not coming). He had no body odour (something that's common here apparently).

The problems I had with him were:

• he would ask to borrow money, amounts that were more than his monthly salary.
• he did not know the streets around Jakarta very well, and his knowledge of the non-expat frequented neighbourhoods was limited. He knew the major roads but not the back roads to avoid traffic jams. He would often take the long way to get to a destination and made no effort to find shortcuts. He would not tell us when he was lost.
• he could not read maps (another common problem in this country).
• his English was very limited, despite the fact that he had been working for expats for over 10 years.
• what's worse, I did not realize how poor his English was until some problems arose with (mis)communication.
• this was because he would say "OK, no problem" even when he does not understand something. He never checked/confirmed instructions, even when he did not understand them.
• he would never say he was sorry.
• because he lived far away, he would often sleep at our house (in the maid's quarter, which is currently not being used).
• he did not like to work late on weekends.
• he was a different person when he was dealing with men as opposed to women. Even though I was his employer, he had a more deferential attitude towards my husband.
• he was a chain smoker and the car often smelled of cigarette smoke.

Some of the above are cultural. Some are personality conflicts. Maybe some were issues I should have discussed with him before firing him (except, of course, there was the problem of my inability to communicate with him). Perhaps I should have been more tolerant of this person (even though being tolerant of a sexist male is pretty difficult for me, admittedly). But then when I found out that he did something I asked him not to do, and he lied to me about it, then I thought, here's a legitimate reason for me to sack him.

The most difficult thing of all, perhaps, was not the decision to let him go, but HOW to let him go. I wanted to be a good employer so I thought it would be best to give him at least two weeks' notice, and then to explain to him the reasons why I am letting him go. I mean, if I were fired from my job, the first thing I would ask is "why?".

But friends and colleagues advised me that it's best not to tell him the reasons, as he will probably talk back to me and worse, may argue and get upset. The last thing I want, according to them, is an upset/angry Indonesian (see, for example, the unfortunate incident of a Japanese couple, who were long-time residents of Indonesia). It's probably best to give him a simple reason to which he can't refute/argue back (e.g., I found someone who lives closer to me, or I found someone who speaks excellent English) and just let him go like that. Another person said that "he would know why you are firing him" so there is no need to give him the reasons. Also, I should only tell him the day I am going to fire him. Who knows, he may retaliate and our safety may be in danger.

So in the end, I asked my neighbour (a tall man who speaks Indonesian) to translate for me. I told him I was letting him go because I found someone who speaks very good English and communication was very important for me. I thanked him for his services, gave his salary and severance pay, oversaw him packing his things, took the keys to the garage and the car, and made sure that he was out the gate before breathing a sigh of relief. He was surprisingly civil about it, more sad than angry, which made be feel worse. I also gave copies of his identity card to the security guys and made sure that they knew he was no longer working for me.

Before I came to Jakarta, the thought of hiring household staff seemed very foreign, something that totally went against my beliefs. Sure, in France I had a cleaner that came in once a week for 2-3 hours, and a nanny that we shared with another family, to look after our daughter. But a full-time maid? A driver? This sort of thing just seemed such a luxury reserved for the very rich, a bit wrong, even. However, having household staff is a part of everyday life for Indonesians (middle class and up) and foreigners alike--it is not unusualy for families with more than one child often have a cook, maid/cleaner, and nanny. Our maid/nanny--whom we finally found after extensive search--will be coming to work for us from next month. I have also hired a new driver. Perhaps there will be more to come.

I would like to be a good employer to my household staff.