たくさんの薬

２ヶ月になるJuneですが、毎日たくさんの薬を飲んでいます。まず、Vitamine K1 Roche。これは、母乳を飲み続ける限り、週１飲まなければなりません。次に、Uvesterolという、ビタミン剤（A, D, E, C）。これは毎日飲ませます。

病院から帰宅してちょっとから June がしょっちゅう授乳後に吐くようになり、胃食道逆流症ということで小児科の先生に薬を処方してもらっています。Mopral というのは胃酸抑制薬で、これは毎日一回。Gaviscon は消化不良治療薬で、授乳後に飲ませます。これは１日５回と言われていますが、とてもまずいらしく、飲んだ後の June の反応があまりにもかわいそうなので、３回にしています。Motilium は消化器官・消化管運動改善薬で、１日４回授乳１５分前に飲ませます。

フランス人は薬好きです。最近読んだBBCの記事によると、ヨーロッパで一番多く抗生物質を消費しているそうです。東京ではどの街角にもコンビニがありますが、パリでは同じくらいたくさんの薬局があります。普段から極力薬を飲まないように努力していた私は、最近まで薬局に足を踏み入れることはほとんどありませんでした。でも、妊娠して、そして子どもを生んでから、薬局にお世話になるようになりました。

これだけの薬が本当に必要なんでしょうか。確かに June の症状はだいぶ良くなってきました。授乳直後はまだ１日１回くらい吐きますが、以前ひどかった、授乳２～３時間後に消化されかけたものを吐き出してしまう（とても苦しそう）はほとんどなくなってきました。夜中に June の叫び声で起こされることはなくなりましたが、お腹が痛そうなのは相変わらずです。

これだけの薬を飲ませ続けるかどうか、最近悩んでいます。

クリスマス・ケーキ

パリでの４回目のクリスマスでを過ごしました。２００６年は日本にいましたが、それ以外年末年始はフランスで過ごしています。我が家はクリスチャンではないので基本的にクリスマスは祝わないのですが、この時期に色々店に並ぶので、美味しいものだけは食べています。

フランスでよくクリスマスに食べられるのは、オイスターやロブスター （Homard） などのシーフード、フォアグラや肉で作られるパテ、鳥のロースト （七面鳥が定番ですが、我が家ではほろほろ鳥を食べています、これはチキンより一回り大きい鳥で、とても美味しい） などで、シャンパンを飲みます。そして、もちろん、クリスマス・ケーキ。

フランスではクリスマスといえば、Bûche de Noël。切り株の形をしているケーキです。普通のケーキ屋さんで売っているのは、バタークリームでできていて単調な味で、私はあまり好きではありません。これまで色々試していますが （毎年たいてい３個くらい買っています）、私が一番好きなのは、Pierre Herme のもの。３－４人分で３７ユーロとずいぶん高いのですが、その価値は十分あると思います。今年は Mogador という、パッションフルーツ風味のチョコレートケーキ （中にパイナップルが入っている） ものにしました。去年は３０分以上寒い中並んで末、売り切れで手に入れることができなく失敗したので、今年は何日か前に電話で注文しました。Bûche を取りに行ったのは、Pasteur というメトロの駅の外に設置されていたテント。ここでさえ１５分くらい並びました。すごい人気ですね。

さて、日本ではクリスマスというとイチゴのショートケーキですが （これはなぜでしょう？季節はずれにイチゴを食べるのもおかしいですね）、ショートケーキをフランスで見たことがありません。ケーキの定番はタルト （チョコレートかフルーツ系のもの）、ミルフィーユ、ガトー・オ・ショコラ、クレーム・ブリュレ、オペラ。それ以外のケーキはムースかクリームが主なものになり、スポンジケーキは売られないようです。

あと、たいていのケーキ屋さんで売っているケーキはあまり美味しくありません。また、普通パン屋さんで売っているケーキは避けたほうが無難です。ちょっと値段は張るのですが、我々が美味しいケーキを食べたい時は Gérard Mulot、Lenôtre、Maison Kaｙser （これはパン屋ですがケーキも美味しい） などの有名なところで買っています。全て日本に進出しているお店ですね。

この季節また楽しみなのは、Galette des Rois。これは年始に食べるもので、また後ほど報告します。

Falling in love

It was not love at first sight. When our eyes locked for the first time, it was not under the best of circumstances; our subsequent encounters were by no means any better.

It is perhaps surprising, then, that we did end up falling in love--well, I did, anyway. When I am not with her, images of her flash in my head. Spending all my days and nights with her has not made me tired of her, but rather, strengthened this feeling I have for my baby, June. She is perhaps the sweetest being that I have ever set my eyes upon.

I learn a new kind of love... it's rooted in the knowledge that I would empty my bank account for her. That I would lay down my life for her. That I would pick up arms for her. That I will defend her against all evil. It's a kind of love so primal and all-encompassing that it would necessitate psychiatric intervention if it involved another adult.
- Sandra Steingraber, in Having Faith -

It is definitely a feeling that was neither immediate nor automatic; motherly love is not instinctive. There were times when we were still in the hospital--especially during botched breastfeeding sessions, before my milk came in--that I was in despair, unsure I could take care of, let alone love, this being.

I definitely feel that this love has been cultivated through the 8- to 12- times daily breastfeeding sessions with her. They are real occasions of intimacy, in many respects. It is through these sessions that I get to know her better--her various facial expressions (she is like a chameleon, really; looking serene and sweet as an angel one moment, all scrunched up with a frog-like expression and screaming her heart out the next), the capillaries on her face, the fine hair on her head, the delicate lines of her lips, the creases that form her ears, each of her eye lashes. Knowing that whatever I consume is conveyed to her, I am careful, more than ever, about what I eat, and the medicine I take. It is definitely a different relationship than when she was within me, perhaps more intense in a way.

The relationship of a mother with her suckling infant is considered to be the strongest of human bonds. Holding the infant to the mother's breast to provide total nutrition and nurturing creates an even more profound and psychological experience than carrying the fetus in utero
- director, Breastfeeding and Human Lactation Study Center at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York -

I am grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed my daughter, and I hope that I will be able to cultivate this relationship for as long as I can.

The birth

Now that more than four weeks have passed since the birth of my daughter, I feel that I am ready to reflect on the experience, which was, unfortunately, a rather disappointing one.

I should start by saying that I am by no means regretting what happened; I am glad that my daughter and I both survived the experience unscathed, and that's what matters. It is just that the process was not at all I had expected, or had hoped for; however, I am also aware that these things never go as expected, and of course I fully accept the course of events that took place.

The birth was, in short, an over-medicalized experience. The moment I walked into the emergency ward at the Notre-Dame de Bon Secours hospital--which I decided to do because I felt that my blood pressure was mounting and I had developed a splitting headache--I was doomed. Because of my soaring blood pressure--which reached 180/120 at one point--and considering that I was 38 weeks pregnant, it was decided that the birth would be induced. 20 hours after some gel was inserted inside my cervix to induce labour, my mucus plug was removed by the midwife, and I was given medication to regularize my contractions. Being tied to several intravenous drips, I was immobilized; when the anesthesiologist came into the birthing room, I readily accepted the epidural. When my dear daughter was born, she was swiftly taken away--and I did not get to see her again until an hour or so after birth, and only in an incubator. After the initial birth, it was more than a day later that I was able to hold my daughter in my arms.

What went wrong? I will start off by saying that the hospital where I gave birth did not provide the holistic care that I needed. The doctor who was supposedly in charge of me saw me only twice during the course of my pregnancy. Even though I went to the hospital regularly, I was seen by different people each time--technicians for various tests, doctors for ultrasound, examinations, and information on anesthesia, and midwife for examinations, etc.--no one person looked at all the test results and examinations, and monitored my total well-being. All the results were in my file, but did anyone spend more than two minutes looking at them? If they had, perhaps the seriousness of my hypertension would not have been overlooked. What would have happened had I decided not to go to the hospital when I had?

In addition, for the duration of my and my daughter's hospitalization, we saw so many caregivers I lost count--a midwife would come once a day to give me medication and ask how I was doing; a nurse would come and take my blood pressure and temperature; another nurse would come and give me some shots, or take blood for tests. I think I saw the same nurse/midwife only twice max. A few of them would have the courtesy to introduce themselves, most did not even bother. As for doctors, four came my way--one to tell me that birth would have to be induced; another doing his rounds while I was being monitored after birth; and two anesthesiologists. Only one of these doctors came to see me more than once (and all of them for duration of no more than five minutes!)

For someone who had hoped for a natural birth experience and had done prior research into it, the over-medicalized turn of events was rather disappointing. Birth was not the life-transforming experience that I had been expected to believe; I was a mere passive participant in a process where I was delivered of my baby, instead of actively giving birth.

In any case, I am more or less fully recovered now--the lochia has stopped, the episiotomy has healed (and no, the midwife did not inform me she was performing this beforehand, just as she did not tell me before manually removing the mucus plug!), I no longer have haemorrhoids, I am nearly (but not quite!) back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My coccyx is the only thing that reminds me on a daily basis the trauma of the birth experience. Now nearly all my time and effort is taken up for taking care of my daughter. That's a whole different story!

Hello world!

Hi there! Let me introduce myself. I am June, Blanca's daughter, and I was born on 30 October 2008. I wasn't quite ready to be born, but they forced me out, because my mother's blood pressure was soaring and this was problematic for both of us. Although I had reached term, since I only weighed 2150g and measured 46cm, I was put in neonatal unit for a few days. Since being discharged after spending 10 days in the hospital, I have regained my birth weight and am doing well.

I am sure that Mum will continue with her musings and rants between nursings--but if she doesn't write very often, you have to be patient, because I am a bit demanding and she is quite sleep-deprived!

That's it from me now. Bye!

フランス南部旅行：アルル

いよいよ Provence 地方に入りましたが、今回の旅行で訪れた最後のローマ都市になるのが、Arles。Amphithéâtre romain 円形闘技場、Théâtre antique 古代劇場、Thermes romains de Constantin コンスタンタン共同浴場などがあわせて Arles, monuments romains et romans としてユネスコ世界遺産に登録されています。とてもこじんまりした旧市街は、ローヌ川からの風が吹いて、真夏日でも少し涼しく感じ、散歩が快適でした。

Arles はまた画家の Van Gogh が１年ほど滞在したということでも有名です。私が大好きなひまわりの絵の一つを描いたのもここに滞在しているときだったそうですし、旧市街を歩いていると何箇所かゴッホが絵に描いた場所に遭遇します。彼が入院したことがある病院跡の Espace Van Gogh の中庭もそうで、花がたくさん咲いていてきれいに管理されていました。

さらに、Arles から南に数キロ行ったところには彼が描いて有名になり、現在はゴッホの橋と呼ばれている、跳ね橋が再現されています。
Arles はプロヴァンスとローマ都市の雰囲気が混ざっていているのが特有で、今回の旅行の前半のテーマであるローマ遺跡を締めくくるのに、最適でした。ここからはアヴィニョン→リュベロン地方→エクス・アン・プロヴァンス→マルセイユと行きました。

Hold-up at Franprix

I was waiting at the check-out line at Franprix, the local supermarket, when two men in black—one wearing a hooded top that partially covered his face, and another, a helmet—entered the store. They quietly demanded the cashiers to open the cash register, putting what appeared to be guns against their necks.

At first I thought this was some sort of a joke. After all, what they had in their hands did not look like real guns, and well... it didn't look like a real hold-up; don't they usually tell everyone to freeze or something? In fact, most people in the store didn't even know what was happening and was going about their own business.

When I saw the store manager open the cash register and give it to them, and heard the alarm go off, I quietly went back behind the rack where they have chewing gum and candy, and crouched down. I stayed there until I heard the shatter of coins that the burglars left behind as they rushed out of the store, and the voices around me say that they had left. Then there was a flurry of voices—one of the cashiers accusing the store manager of giving them the money—after all, couldn't he see that they were fake guns? The store manager defending himself, and calling the police. People rushing in from outside the store, asking if this was for real; people inside the store, with shock and disbelief in their eyes.

What seemed, for me, quite bizarre was the speed with which business went back to usual. I thought we would be asked to leave, or at least, the store would close after such an event. But no, people continued to come in to the store and those of us waiting in line at the cashier continued to be served. Just before it was my turn to pay for my goods, a man came into the store to inform the store manager that the thieves had been caught a few hundred metres down the road. It so happened that the road that the Franprix faces is a rather heavily-patrolled road, perhaps because it leads to the only prison within Paris, or perhaps because it is close to a well-known mental institution. The two men must have just run into the police partrol car that happened to be cruising by.

I thought I had stayed calm during the event, but the stress must have been rather intense—by the time the men had left the store I had a bad ache in my tummy, and for a moment I was afraid I was going to start having contractions. I realized then that we are completely unprepared what to do in such situations. I remembered the earthquake drills we had every year (wasn't it in September, on the anniversary of the great earthquake of the Kanto region in 1923?) when I was going to primary school in Japan. Every Japanese knows what to do in the event of earthquakes. Granted that Japanese are more likely to encounter earthquakes in their everyday lives than people are burglaries, still, shouldn't we be better prepared for what to do in these events?

Half of a Yellow Sun

It is through works of fiction that I often get insights into historical events, particularly recent ones. Through Edwidge Danticat's The Farming of Bones, I learned about the appalling and gruesome details of the massacre that took place in the Dominican Republic in 1937, when President Rafael Trujillo commanded his army to kill Haitians in the country. Sweetness in the Belly by Camilla Gibb gave me a glimpse into the revolution in Ethiopia in the early 1970s. Shauna Singh Baldwin's The Tiger Claw enlightened me on the Nazi Occupation of France during the Second World War. In fact, my dislike for purely historical books have led me often to pick up books that are based on historical events that I could learn from.

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, however, caught me off guard completely. I knew from the back cover that this book would be about Nigeria—but I must admit my ignorance here: I had never heard of Biafra until I read this book. While it's true that Africa has always been a bit of an enigma for me, I was still very shocked to learn that I had no prior knowledge of this secessionist state that existed in south-eastern Nigeria for nearly four years.

In the first part of the book, we become acquainted with the main characters: Olanna, the "illogically pretty" Igbo woman, who forsakes her high-end life in Lagos to live with her lover, "the revolutionary" Odeningbo; Ugwu, the houseboy who works in the house of Odeningbo and who enjoys listening quietly to the friends that gather at his master's house every evening. Olanna's twin sister, Kainene, does not share Olanna's good looks but is an ambitious business woman, who in her own way also rebels against her parents; and Richard, the white man and Kainene's lover, who learns to speak fluent Igbo and almost considers himself as one, while being reminded by everyone around him that he is not.

When the events of the late 1960s hit them, it comes as a bit of a shock. The effects are all the more dramatic because we have become acquainted with the characters, whose lives are suddenly and profoundly overturned by the events. Although the book recounts well the diversity of people living in the area, and their contrasting lives depending on whether they live in villages, cities, those who have lived abroad, the servants, etc., the lives of everyone—regardless of their status before the war (unless, of course, they can afford to skip the country)—are hit equally hard by the events.

Ultimately, the book is a love story; a book about love and betrayal. I was particularly struck by the strong words of Olanna's aunt, who reproaches Olanna's devastated state after Odeningbo's first betrayal:

I now know that nothing he does will make my life change... My life will change only if I want it to change... You must never behave as if your life belongs to a man... your life belongs to you and you alone.

The book that one of the narrators in Half of a Yellow Sun wrote, titled The World was Silent when we Died, reminded me of a book I read a few years back: We did Nothing by Linda Polman. When I first read Polman's book, I was appalled to learn how powerless the UN is, and at the dismal state of peace-keeping missions to civil war-torn places such as Haiti and Rwanda. But after a few years as an insider, I now know the process quite well. As Polman demonstrates in her book, it is not the UN that fails, but rather, the Member States; "the UN can do nothing by itself... it can only do what its Member States allow it to do".

If I only knew how to act, and not to be silent, when masses in places faraway die.

Maternity leave

At a check-up with the ob-gyn last week, she declared that the fetus has already dropped down to my pelvis in preparation for birth, and that my cervix has shortened. Therefore, until my fetus reaches full term (i.e., 37 weeks, approximately in two weeks), I am to take medication to prevent contractions. She also told me that I should stop working.

This was not at all what I expected--in fact, I had been considering asking her to write a medical certificate, which would enable me to work until 2 weeks before the expected due date (the French due date is 41 weeks). Without the certificate, I can only work up till 3 weeks before the due date. The organization where I work allows 16 weeks of maternity leave, which can be taken from 3 - 6 weeks before the expected due date (and can be taken until 10 - 13 weeks after birth). Even though I tire more easily, since I am doing OK, I figured that it would be better to have more time BEFORE than AFTER the birth.

But of course, my doctor would not write such a certificate; she insisted that I must rest, since it is my right to take 6 weeks of maternity leave before the expected due date. In fact, it is a pity that it is too late for her to give me a certificate for sick leave, as I certainly qualified for one. A conversation I had with my organization's welfare/social assistant confirmed this--there are some doctors that agree to write such a certifiate, but this is rare, since it is not in the French mentality to continue to work when you no longer have to.

When I lamented this to a senior colleague, she gave me this piece of advice: "Do what the doctor says and enjoy this time because your life will never be the same! Take walks, go to the movies, read books plus all the practical stuff to be ready. And remember: no matter how much work you do there will be more there waiting. "

By French law, women are entitled to 16 weeks of paid maternity leave--six weeks before birth and ten weeks after birth. The social security system is, of course, the main reason why the fertility rate in France is so high (although I suggested another reason earlier). All the other women in my sophrologie/birth preparation classes have stopped working already, after having taken sick leave.

Of course my colleague is right. I should enjoy the time that I have. But am I being told to stop working because my body requires it, or because it is my right to take sick or maternity leave? I will never know.

フランス南部旅行：ニームとポン・デュ・ガール

フランス最古のローマ都市として知られている、Nimes。ここのハイライトはやはり、古代闘技場 Arenes です。ここをゆっくり見学するには、最低でも２時間は必要です。オーディオガイド付きで７．７０ユーロと入場料がちょっと高めですが、十分価値があると思います。

ローマ時代には、この闘技場でのパーフォーマンスを見るために、丸一日人々が集まったそうです。「見て、見られる場所」として、この時代の社交には欠かせないものだったそうです。社会におけるステータスによって座れる席が変わります。朝のライオン（またはその他の動物）対人間の戦いに始まり、ハイライトは午後のグラジエーター（人間同士）の戦い。お昼休みには、朝戦った動物に死刑になった人たちを餌としてやる（！）イベントがあるけれど、これは退屈ななので、普通の人は観賞（！）しなかったそうです。

この Nimes へ Uzes から約５０キロの間、水を提供した水路の一部分が Pont du Gard という水道橋。２０００年以上前にこれを建てた、ローマ人の建築技術にはただびっくりするだけです。１８世紀に Fragonard が描いた絵にもあるように、昔から人々はこの橋の下を流れる川を憩いの場所としていたようです。天気が良い週末の日だったので、たくさんの人たちが川で泳いだりピクニックをしたり、８月最後の週末を楽しんでいました。この Fragonard の絵は、パリのルーブル美術館で鑑賞することができます。


Pont du Gard にある La Grande Expo という施設の博物館では、橋の歴史や構造などをくわしく学習できます。ここの展示もかなりうまくできていました。昔からの「人間と水」の関係をとてもおもしろく、そしてわかりやすく、展示しています。それだけでなく、ローマ時代に建てられた、他の水道橋のことも学べます。

そこで思い出したのが、以前出張で行ったことがある、スペインの Segovia の水道橋。規模は Pont du Gard より小さいのですが、この橋は町の真ん中を通っています。この橋の下を通るたびに、何か落ちてこないかちょっと心配でしたが。ちなみに、Segovia とはその他歴史的な建物が多く残っていて、よい雰囲気の町でした。

Birth preparation classes: Sophrologie

Despite the fact that I feel that my tummy is getting bigger and bigger, it appears that by French standards, I am small. When I tell people that the due date is mid-November, they all look suprised--some even double-checking with the remark "you mean, this coming November?" (what do you think, November 2009? Duh!).

As the due date approaches, I have begun to read up on the process of birth itself.

Back in April, when my gynaecologist urged me to find a hospital to give birth ASAP, I managed to register myself at Notre Dame de Bon Secours, a well-reputed hospital within walking distance from home. I did, however, spend more than five hours on the internet searching for alternative options, especially facilities that are more conducive to natural births, only to find that the only birthing centre in Paris had recently been closed down. Thus, I had to give up any thoughts of having a natural birth in Paris (as a first-time mother I did not consider home birth as an option). This is a bit of a shame in a country where innovative natural-birth advocates such as Drs Lamaze and Leboyer originated.

It was therefore with much delight when I found out that Hopital Notre Dame de Bon Secours offered, in addition to conventional birth preparation classes, sophrology (or sophrologie in French).

According to the "Energy Centre", Sophrology is:

a structured method created to produce optimal health and well-being. It consists of a series of easy to do physical and mental exercises that, when practised regularly, lead to a healthy, relaxed body and a calm, alert mind. The exercises are called dynamic relaxation (relaxation in movement).

As it applies to preparation of birth, preparation consists of exercises that visualise "your body and the baby’s place within your body, whilst relaxing and breathing in and out slowly and rhythmically", which are supposed to help ease the pain of giving birth.

Believing that this was the one opportunity for me to get as close to natural birth as possible, I registered myself for the course, despite the fact that sophrology was more expensive than the conventional birth-preparation classes. I have been relatively happy with with the classes, the "hands-on" type of intimate relationship the class shared with the midwife who is in charge of the classes, and the visualization exercises with which we finish each class. Therefore, I was quite taken aback recently to find that out of ten pregnant women in my class, I was the only one even considering birth without an epidural.

Furthermore, when I asked the midwife whether we would be watching a video of birth(s) in order to better prepare ourselves, she told me no, because "the image would be too much for some women".

I find it quite unfortunate that the process of birth has become over-medicated and institutionalized in the West, and that women seem to be distancing themselves from what should be a natural and normal process of life. Or, should we be happy that painless births are perhaps one of the numerous factors contributing to the baby boom in France, making France the country with the highest fertility rate in the EU?

フランス南部旅行：モンペリエとエグ・モルト

今年の夏は２週間弱の間、フランスの南部へ旅行しました。メインは後半のプロヴァンス地方でしたが、そこへ行くまでにリヨン、それからモンペリエ→エグ・モルト→ニーム→ポン・デュ・ガールと行きました。つまり、旅行の前半のテーマはローマ遺跡。

リヨンは昨年行った際ブログに書いたので、今回はモンペリエから。

Montpellier は１０世紀に発達したローマ時代の町。ここの旧市街は迷路のように細い道が入り組んでいて、とても雰囲気が良かったです。

Montpellier のファーブル美術館 Musee Fabre では、パリで見逃してしまった Gustave Courbet の特別展を見ることができ、ラッキーでした。でも平日に行ったわりには混雑していて、１時間近く並びましたが。Courbet は挑発的な女性のヌード絵で有名ですが、私は海の風景画が一番気に入りました。ファーブル美術館からコメディ広場 place de la Comedie までの遊歩道・公園、緑が多くお勧めです。暑い日だったので噴水で子どもたちが遊んでいました。

もう一つお勧めなのは、１８世紀にできた、Promenade du Peyrou 公園の散歩。旧市街の西端にある凱旋門から西へ、水道橋まで続きます。一番上の写真は、集水場 Chateau d'eau から見た、凱旋門と promenade du Peyrou. 右にあるのが、Eglise Ste-Anne 教会の塔です。この集水場の裏にあるのが、水道橋の Aqueduc St-Clement. Pont du Gard と違って、上の水路がよく見えます。

次に行ったのは、Aigues-Mortes. Montpellier から４０キロほど南東に行ったところにあります。ルイ９世が１３世紀に造った町で、立派な城塞が町を一周しています。Tour de Constance 塔から入り、城壁の上を歩くことができます。上の写真は、塔の上から見た町。写真の奥に見えるのが、エグ・モルトの経済を支えていた、塩の山です。フランスの塩といえばブルターニュ地方の Guerande のが有名ですが、フランス南部のレストランでよくみたのは、ここで取れる Fleur De Sel de Camargue です。Aigues-Mortes のお土産屋で買いましたが、まだ味比べはしていません。暖かいフランス南部の塩と、大西洋の塩。味の違いはあるのでしょうか。

The stranger within

One of my pregnancy guidebooks (Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, a book with a great reference section I would recommend anyone looking for an objective and well-organized book immediate before and during pregnancy) tells me that at week 29:

Your baby's weight and size are continuing to increase this week. As a result, you're probably feeling increased activity inside your uterus, with your baby's movements more frequent and vigorous. Some of your baby's jabs and punches may even take your breath away.

Indeed. What began almost four months ago as "fluttering" movements that I could barely notice are now at times forceful. These movements sometimes keep me awake at night, and during the day the movements of the mound on my tummy (by being pushed from inside) are quite visible from the outside.

At this point in my pregnancy (32 weeks) I am finding myself focused less on me (how I feel/ how I look/ how my body is changing, etc.) but more on this being inside me (how is it doing, how does it look, what will it be like?). At the same time, I am realizing more and more that this being is NOT me--it is an independent being with a mind of its own. What began as a part of me is now viable outside me ("almost all babies born at 32 weeks will survive and have a normal life", according to my pregnancy guidebook). It kicks and jabs (and hurts me!) at its own whim. Funnily enough, the image that recently came to my mind is that scene in the movie "Aliens" when this alien-baby pops out of Sigourney Weaver's tummy!

It is written in the same guidebook that the most active time to feel fetal movements is between 27 and 32 weeks. So perhaps from now on until birth, I will feel less disrupted by the stranger, the independent being that I am housing.

I am looking forward to meeting this stranger within.

赤ちゃんグッズ

出産予定日まであと２ヶ月となりましたが、まだ全くベビー用品を揃えていなく、ほんのちょとだけ焦り始めてきました。環境にとっても、我が家の家計にとってもやさしいように、新しく買う物は最低限に抑えたいと考えています。洋服はオーガニックまたは再利用のものを。ベビーベッドなどの製品は安全かつ環境に優しい方法で作られたものを。おむつに関しては、環境へのインパクトは紙（リサイクルかつ無害な物質に分解できるもの）と布ではあまり変わらないという調査の結果があるので、どっちにするかはまだ決めていません。

残念ながら、パリ（またはフランス）でオーガニックまたはフェアトレードのベビー用品を買える場所は、限られています。今までチェックしたのは以下のお店です：

- NatBé（赤ちゃん・妊婦のためのエコなお店、パリ１３区にあります）
- Bébés en Vadrouille （フェアトレードの赤ちゃん用品のお店、４区とオンラインのお店があります。オーガニックグッズもある）
- Fibris （基本的には大人のオーガニックの洋服を扱っていて、お店は５区にあります。ベビー服や布おむつもあります）
- Ardelaine （ウールの製品を扱っていて、いくつかベビー用の服と布団などのベッディングなどがあります。Marjolaine などのオーガニック系のサロンで展示をよく出しています）
- Futaine （オーガニックかつフェアトレードのコットン製品、ベビー用の寝具や布おむつがある。１４区にある Ambiance Naturelle で購入することができます）
- Nouveaux Robinson （パリ郊外 Montreuil のエコ製品のお店では、オーガニックのものががたくさん置いてあり、ベビーグッズもある）
- Brindilles （赤ちゃんの洋服やその他の製品を中心に、たくさんのエコグッズが揃っている、オンラインのお店）
- Loumilie （赤ちゃん用のオーガニックの洋服、スリング、おもちゃ、おむつなどがある、オンラインショップ）
- Mamam Naturelle （赤ちゃん用オーガニックの服、スリング、布オムツなど、オンラインショップ）
- Melicott（赤ちゃん用オーガニックの服、スリング、布おむつなど、オンラインショップ）
- Le Monde de Léa（赤ちゃん用オーガニックの服、スリング、おむつの他に、おもちゃもありる、オンラインショップ）
- Nataluna （赤ちゃん用オーガニックの服、スリング、おむつと、マタニティ服や授乳用の服もある、オンラインショップ）
- Grandir Nature （エコ製品がたくさん買えるオンラインショップ、赤ちゃん用や文房具も売っています）

環境と赤ちゃんにやさしいものを買うものが難しいのなら、作ってしまおうと思い、先月日本に一時帰国した際「こだわりの天然素材オーガニックコットンで編むベビーニット―0~24カ月」という本を買いました。 この本は使用しているのがオーガニックコットンというだけでそのほかはオーガニックコットンだからという特徴はありませんでしたが。ま、日本ではハマナカという会社がオーガニックコットンの糸を多色作っているということは参考になりました。

８月中旬に作り始めて先日ようやく編み終えたのが、このボンネット。大学生のころから帽子やマフラーを編む経験があるものの、カギ編みは初めてと同様（幼稚園のころスカーフをつくったことがありますが）だったので、少し苦労しました（母親にずいぶん助けてもらいました）。


次はヴェストにチャレンジします。果たして産まれる前にできるのでしょうか。

収穫

８月末から２週間ほどフランス南部へバカンスへ行ってきました。Montpellier、Nimes、Pont du Gard、Arles、Avignon、Aix-en-Provence、Marseilles、Cassis へとレンタカー・電車・ボートを使って観光しました。

この旅行については今後時間をかけてアップしていきたいと思います。

今日は、７月にご報告したゴーヤの収穫に関してのご報告です！７月は花が咲いただけで、収穫できるのか心配していましたが、ようやく１つ、食べられるような（日本のスーパーで売っているような）大きさまで成長しました。さっそく我々が大好きな、おひたしで食べました。

５年ぶりだったかかもしれませんが、今まで食べた中で一番おいしいゴーヤだったと言っても大げさじゃないでしょう。苦さ、噛み応え、水々しさ、、、全て完璧でした。水やりは浄水機を通したものを、肥料はオーガニックを使ったからかもしれません。やはりもぎたてが一番なのでしょうか。

妊娠を理由に（トキソプラズマ感染の恐れがあるので、土仕事は避けるように言われています）何もできなかった私の代わりに水やりから授粉までしてくれた私のパートナーに大感謝です。


まだ５本ほどあるのですが（左上の写真の右上の方にあと１本あるのが見えますね）、最近ずいぶん涼しくなってきたパリで、さらに大きくなるかちょっと心配です。

Great Expectations

The recent arrival of a new immediate supervisor at my work place has totally disrupted the status quo and has completely uprooted my work plans. It has been two months since the whole process started, and I am still not able to fully process, nor deal with, the implications of these changes.

I will not go into the details, but in brief, what has happened is this: this new person, in his new role as an "overseer" of his subordinates, tried to bully me into giving up half of the budget that had been allocated under my responsibility. In doing so, he succeeded in completely disrupting the plan of activities that had been developed for the next two years, for one of the activities I was responsible for managing. An activity that I had spent the past three years of my work life developing.

My initial reaction was simply, anger and sadness. In the course of a desperate attempt to try to effectively deal with the problem, my anger and sadness turned into frustration. Frustrated by the fact that my boss (who is above the new immediate supervisor), who claims himself to be a "non-hierarchical guy", has nevertheless decided to give the nod of approval to the actions of this person instead of supporting me, despite acknowledging the extremely tyrannical, dominant and hierarchical way in which the new person has dealt with me. Frustrated that despite the initial demonstration of solidarity, and despite my attempts to patch things up the best way possible, the experts with whom I had worked very closely over a period of couple of years, and for whom I had immense respect for, have decided to severe their affiliation with the activity, disgusted with the way the whole matter has been handled by both this new supervisor and the boss.

Frustrated is probably not the right word; disappointed is not even it; the feeling borders on betrayal. Am I exaggerating? Perhaps I had vested too much into this activity and the experts affiliated with it. Perhaps I had believed too blindly on the boss—the first in over 5 bosses that I have had in my career, whom I had trusted and considered as my "spiritual father". Perhaps this is what you get for taking the status quo for granted.

Although I have been successful in taking back the management responsibility of this activity, the fact remains: the work plans have been disrupted, some of the core experts are gone, and the experts that remain are standing on guard, unsure of what will happen next. I feel as if finding myself being forced to take command of a ship that has come out of a storm, after it been abandoned by the captain, taking the steer with him. I have the ship, but what is there to do? Do I want to do anything with it? Should I simply jump ship as well? Or should I stay, to try to steer the ship in the right direction, under the watchful eyes of the members that remain?

The lesson to be learned? I am not sure. But in considering all the "perhaps" I have mentioned above, it has made me think twice about the wisdom of fully and wholeheartedly committing to work. This, in addition to some of the frustrations about the organization for which I work that I have already expressed, have made me seriously think about my future with the organization. I feel strongly that perhaps I have reached a turning point in my life. Is it a coincidence that this has happened at a time when I am about to embark on motherhood, another momentous time in my life? It could be that it is time I start pursuing another path that I have been considering for the past couple of years. Whatever may happen, I will make sure that I maintain a positive and proactive role in the changes that could take place in my life.

Great expectations lie ahead.

オーストラリア出張

今年も出張でオーストラリアに行きました。去年同じ時期に行ったのは Queensland 州でしたが、今回行ったのは Top End とよばれる、Nothern Territoy 州（そしてオーストラリア）の、一番上にある部分。1980年代にオーストラリアに住んでいた際色々旅行しましたが、ここには行ったことがありませんでした。白人による侵入をほぼ免れることができたため、豊かな自然と先住民族の文化が残っている、とても特別な地域です。ここの住民の母国語は英語ではありません。Gove（Nhulunbuy）空港のトイレにはバイリンガルの表示がありました。

左の地図の緑の部分の右の部分にある Arnhem Land は、先住民族の地域。入るには許可が必要です。そしてここに住むアボリジニが毎年この季節に開催する、Garma Festival というお祭りに参加しました（Garma で撮った写真は、許可がないとネットに載せることができないので残念ながらここでシェアすることができません）。

Nhulunbuy の近くにある Yirrkala にあるアートギャラリー、Buku-Larrnggay Mulka Centre にはすばらしい樹皮アートがたくさんありました。ここにはまた、博物館としても機能しているため古いアートも置いてありました。Yirrkala Church Panels という、1960年代に Yolŋu 民族の人たちが土地権利を主張するために描いたパネルも、展示されていました。人と土地・自然との関係を鮮明に描かれた、すばらしいものでした（写真を撮るのは禁止）。

近くにあるビーチ（Shady beach）の水の色は、残念ながら写真ではよく見えませんが、美しいターコイズ。ワニと鮫がいるため、残念ながら泳ぐことができませんでした（住民は泳ぐことがあるようですが、犠牲者は何人か出るようです）。

来年もオーストラリア出張に行くことができたらいいな。

ロンドン週末旅行

７月中旬仕事でイギリスへ行く予定があったので、ロンドンで週末を過ごしました。前回のイギリス旅行は買い物が主な目的でしたが、今回は観光が中心。有名な観光地をいくつか回りました。

一番楽しかったのは、London Eye という、世界で一番大きい観覧車に乗ったことです。ロンドン観光は大学生以来１３年ぶり。その当時はなかった観光名所です。チケットを買うのに１５分くらい、それから乗るまで４５分くらい待ちましたが、天気がよかったので、かなり遠くまで見ることができました。


乗り物はこんな感じ→

Big Ben、 Houses of Parliament、Westminster Bridge はここからが一番きれいに見えるのではないでしょうか。


観覧車を降りてからは、South Bank を散歩しました。South Bank も最近になって整備されたところ。London Eye から Tate Modern 美術館までは約１、５キロ。パーフォーマンスをやっていたりレストランなどが並んでいる遊歩道の散歩も楽しかったです。

Westminster Bridge を渡って、Westminster Abbey に入ろうとしたら、残念ながら閉まっていました。午後は早い時間に閉まってしまうので、ここは午前中に観光した方がよいみたいです。

Big Ben の左に、London Eye 観覧車が見えますね。

翌日は National Gallery へ行きました。前回ニューヨークへ行ったときにはアメリカの美術館が高いことにびっくりしたことを書きましたが、ロンドンの国立博物館や美術館は、特別展示を除き、タダ。これにもびっくりしました。

National Gallery では私たちが大好きな印象派の絵がたくさんあり、とても満足。一番有名なのは、ゴッホのひまわり。美術館のお店で購入した 「Van Gogh and the Sunflowers」 という本によると、ゴッホは合計１１枚のひまわりの絵を描いたそうです。そのうち３枚がこの National Gallery にあるひまわりとそのバリエーションで、１８８８年から１８８９年までに描かれたそうです（他の２枚はアムステルダムの Van Gogh Museum と損保ジャパン東郷青児美術館にある）。この本によると、１９８８年に安田火災海上保険がこの絵を 24.75 million ポンド（約５３億円！）で買った当時は、これまで絵画についた価格で一番高かったそうです。次に日本へ行く際、この美術館、行ってみたいです。

Announcing one's pregnancy

At 6 months, I am FINALLY starting to show, and I am over the "looking fat but not (yet) pregnant" phase (thank goodness). People are giving up seats for me on the Metro, and things that fall off my fork/chopsticks during meals land on my bulging tummy, not on my lap. The best part is that I feel confident when walking into a maternity clothes store.

I have also begun (belatedly) to tell people that I am pregnant. Instead of making a big deal out of it, I try to discreetly slip it in conversations. People's reactions can be categorized into three: (1) those who seem genuinely happy for me, proceed to ask numerous questions, and thus the conversation changes entirely; (2) those who say "congratulations", but limit questions to my health and my future plans; and (3) those who say something to the effect of "I guess I should congratulate you", ask when the baby is due, and then go back to the conversation we were having before the announcement.

Needless to say, such reactions depend on the kind of position and feelings each person has vis-a-vis having children. Those who respond as (1) tend to be mothers/fathers themselves, or they want to be mothers/fathers. The former tend to welcome me to the club and give me advice, while the latter tells me their plans/dreams of one day (soon) having children. Those who fall in the (2) category are the ones who have mixed feelings on the issue; they are not sure they want children, or haven't thought about it very much, so they ask the minimum questions deemed necessary but are usually uncomfortable having a deeper conversation on the issue. (3) is quite simple--they have no desire to dwell on this point than any other, because they are clearly not interested in having children or in dealing with people who do.

Having been in positions (2) and (3) in the immediate past, I can easily identify with those who react in such ways. The question I always used to pose, whenever people made such announcements was: "why did you decide to have a child?" This is a question that I have yet to be asked by anyone... yet I feel it is a crucial question that need to be considered by anyone and everyone who chooses to have children.

Why should an environmentalist who is always trying to minimze her ecological footprint choose to have a child, when we know that the average person in the developed world consumes 32 times more resources than someone in the developing world, and every 3.6 seconds another person dies of starvation (the large majority of them being children under the age of 5)?

Why are people who choose NOT to have children constantly questioned about their decision, while those who choose to have children are never asked about theirs?

My reasons for wanting to have a child are quite personal. But I do know that at this point in my life I am ready, with my partner, to go through a fundamental change in our lives. To quote from the movie "Lost in Translation":

Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But... [the kids] turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.

Wish us luck!

(for some more quotes from the film, go to: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0335266/quotes).

ゴーヤ

パリで手に入らない日本の食材はたくさんありますが、普段はそれほど和食を食べないので、あまり気になりません。私たちが普段買い物しているオーガニックの食材店（Naturalia と Biocoop）で色々手に入るし（醤油、ごま油、わかめ、切干大根、うどん、そば、そうめん、日本茶など）、日本から友人や親戚が来仏する際色々持ってきてもらっています。

パリで買うことができない野菜で一番困るのは、ねぎ。ポワロー（リーキ）で代用する場合もありますが、薬味としては使えません。

パリでまず口にすることがないもの、それは野菜のゴーヤ。１３区の中華食品店で苦瓜は売っていますが、食べなれている九州や沖縄のそれと比べて大振りだし、味も薄い感じ（日本のきゅうりとフランスや北米で売っているジャイアント・きゅうりとの違いと同じような感じ）。そこで去年の夏一時帰国した際、わしたショップで種を買い、今年の春プランターに植えてみました。

今年の夏のパリはそれほど天気がよくないけれど、ようやく伸びて、ちゃんと花も咲いてくれました。実がなってくれるといいけれど。もちろん、肥料はオーガニックのものを使っていますよ。

ひまわり

３月に行った時から気になっていた、Tomlins Vegetarian Guest House の周りのひまわり畑。ひまわり開花のピークといわれた７月中旬、再度行ってきました。残念ながらまだ満開ではなかったけれど、青空がバックの真黄色のひまわり、とても素敵でした。

今回も料理教室を楽しみました。お品書きは：

昼食　なすのパルミジアノとセージのフォカッチャ

フォカッチャは意外と簡単にできたので、今度家でも作ってみたいです。

夕食　前菜はブルッシェッタ。

トッピングは３種類、オリーブのタペナード、フェンネルのグリル、セロリ根のソテー。

メインはズッキーニとチーズのソーセージ（ポテトのくるみ衣揚げ、チェリートマト煮、ハーブ入りクレーム・フレッシュ添え）。このソーセージ、作る過程が楽しかったです。

　　
　 　　

デザートはレモン・ポセットにラズベリー・ソース。これも簡単のわりには豪華に見えるので、お客さんが来たときにでも活躍しそうです。

ぶらんこは今回も料理教室中は一人でお留守番でしたが、たくさん散歩したから、満足してくれたかな。

Prenatal testing

Until recently, pregnant women over the age of 38 in France were systematically advised to have amniocentesis--a prenatal test to determine whether a baby has a genetic disorder or a chromosomal abnormality. In the US and many other countries, women over 35 are recommended to have amnio. Being 34, and determined not to slip through this inter-cultural gap, whether to get this test done or not was something that I considered seriously.

The contradictions of genetic prenatal testing are well-described by Sandra Steingraber in her book Having Faith. Amniocentesis is very narrow in focus in that "the whole enterprise implies that the future life of a child can be read by counting its chromosomes and scrutinizing their architecture" (click here for an excerpt of the book chapter where this issue is discussed). This is quite problematic when one considers that the majority of birth defects are not attributable to inborn genetic errors; children born with defects due to environmental factors, such as mercury poisoning or thalidomide, would not be detected using this method. Moreover, so many disorders and defects due to environmental factors are not detected until many years after birth; studies link pesticide exposure to autism, neurological disorders, and other developmental problems. A question Steingraber asks is "What if amniocentesis inquired about environmental problems as well as genetic ones?"

The results of two screening tests that I went through--the nuchal translucency scan (at 12 weeks) and HT21 blood test (at 17 weeks)--came out to indicate that the possibility of my fetus having Down syndrome and neural tube defects were extremely low--1:2495 for Down syndrome. The morphological scan (done at 22 weeks) indicated no physical abnormalities--even though, of course, as was written in the papers that were attached to all the test results, they do not guarantee that the fetus will be free of abnormalities/disorders.

In the end, we decided against having amniocentesis. But if a prenatal testing that allows us to determine the amount of environmental contaminants in our body, one that could diagnose whether or not the fetus will be free from problems arising from such contaminants existed, I would certainly have taken it. Since being diagnosed with “sick house syndrome” (a Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) six years ago, I have changed my lifestyle so that I am exposed to as little environmental toxins as possible. However, if such prenatal testing existed, it would be very important for me to know how much my diagnosis six years ago could negatively affect my child. This would be such an important information for all parents-to-be.

Another thing we found out during the second trimester ultrasound was that the fetus' growth is normal and that all measurements--the diameter and circumference of the abdominal area, thigh bones, etc.--are in the 50 percentile, i.e., average. What a relief to parents (to-be): having a completely average child! Having grown up in an environment where one's academic aptitude is measured using scores and percentiles, it was a big relief to know that the measurements of the fetus are 50 percentile. At what point in our lives as parents does having an average child become NOT enough? We'll have to wait and see.

Long live maternity pants!

The beginning of the soldes in Paris coincided with the beginning of the fifth month of my pregnancy, and I finally mustered enough courage to go shopping for maternity clothes.

As I got out of my pants (yes the pre-pregnancy ones that I wear unzipped, with a rubber band through the button hole, and a BellaBand to cover it all) and tried on some materinity pants, my first impression was: why on earth didn't I try these super-comfy things before???

There is indeed a reason why these things are made--for pregnant women whose belly is expanding. No matter how big or small the expanding belly is. Since I have sworn to buy only the minimum amount of maternity clothes, I decided to wait until it was absolutely necessary to buy them. But my conclusion now is: comfort should be a priority! So my recommendation is this: anyone hesitating to buy maternity clothes until pre-pregnancy clothes get so uncomfortable that your tummy starts to hurt when sitting down, should reconsider IMMEDIATELY. Get these super comfy clothes (well, at least pants, anyway) ASAP! Some brands claim that their maternity clothes are for pregnant pregnant from month 1 to 9, so it's never too early, I reckon.

For conventional maternity clothes, I liked, and bought clothes from, the following French brands:

- 1 et 1 font 3
- Formes
- Serafine

In terms of the shopping experience, I must say I found the sales people at Formes and Galeries Lafayette's maternity section the most helpful and kind. At Formes, the sales assistants were wearing these maternity clothes, even though their tummies were as flat as a cutting board!

For organic cotton maternity clothes (and oh they are difficult to find!) I have bought:

- Lili l'a fait
- Cherry on the cake


I have checked out the following organic cotton maternity clothes brands but have not bought anything from them:

- lunaBulle
- schone maternity

Happy shopping!

Maintaining one's integrity

Last weekend I ran into a Free Tibet demonstration--a cause that I am genuinely sympathetic to. I had to refrain myself from joining the group, however. And there is a reason--because I am an international civil servant.

In all my adult life I have never hesitated to join causes which I felt were important; I have participated in Take Back the Night demonstrations in the US, walked on the streets of Minnesota and Vancouver to fight against racism, and joined forces with my sisters and brothers to combat homophobia, both in Vancouver and Tokyo. There is a reason why I have never participated in a demonstration in France, a country where the right to participate in demonstrations is revered. When I joined my organization four years ago, I was given a small leaflet titled "Report on Standards of Conduct in the International Civil Service". Like any conscientious and enthusiastic employee, I read it.

This booklet starts off by telling us that:

One of the fundamental, if not paramount, standards of conduct derives from the requirement of integrity... For the international official, however, the [United Nations] Charter also requires integrity as a public official, and especially as an international public official... It follows that he must subordinate his private interests and avoid placing himself in a position where those interests would conflict with the interests of the organization he serves [paragraph 4; emphasis original].

We are also told:

To integrity, international outlook and independence, must be added impartiality. Impartiality implies objectivity, lack of bias, tolerance, restraint - particularly when political or religious disputes or differences arise. The staff member's personal views and convictions remain inviolate, but he has not the freedom of a private person to "take sides"... or public express his convictions on matters of a controversial nature... [paragraph 8].

So, like a good international civil servant, I refrain. I refrain from publicly expressing my convictions on matters that are important to me. I find it so contradictory, however, because respect for human rights and cultural diversity are exactly the things the organization to which I belong promote! But of course we are not allowed to express our personal opinions on them, so as not to offend the Member State.

The more I think about it, however, the more I start reconsidering my job as an international civil servant--how can one maintain her integrity if she is denied the right to be true to her values and morals, her wish for a better and peaceful world?

ポーランド出張：クラクフ

Zakopane の次に行ったのは、Kraków。ワルシャワとウッジの次３番目に大きな都市で、昔の首都だったため、ポーランドでももっとも歴史ある都市の一つだそうです。ここで半日しか過ごすことができなかったのは残念でした。聖マリア教会（Kosciol Mariacki）とヴァヴェル大聖堂（Katedra Wawelska）だけ観光することができました。

Wawel は小さな丘の上にあり、ここから見た Krakow の町並みは、とても素敵。遠くに聖マリア教会などの建物が見えます。第２次世界大戦で破壊を免れることができたため、歴史的な建物がたくさん残っています。

さて、Wawel 大聖堂の中にはジグムント塔といい、ポーランド最大の鐘が吊されています。確か重量は１１トンだったと思います。ガイドさんによると、この鐘を左手で触れながらお願いごとをすると、それがかなうということでしたので、しっかりお願いごとをしてきました。この内容は願いがかなった後でしか言ってはいけない（それ以前に言ってしまうとかなわなくなる）ということですので、公表は後ほど。

下は、Wawel 大聖堂の写真です。

Krakow から１５キロくらい離れたところに、ヴィエリチカ岩塩坑（Kopalnia soli Wieliczka）があり、ここで２時間のツアーに参加しました。13世紀から現在にいたるまで使われている岩塩の採掘坑で、坑夫たちが岩塩で彫った彫像や、全て塩でできた大聖堂もあり、とても立派でした。中で写真が撮れなかったので、wikipedia の写真を載せます。この聖キンガ礼拝堂（Kaplica św. Kingi）は地下１００メートルのところにあります。ここを結婚式などのイベントのために貸し出しも行われているようです。

塩の純度がそれほど高くないので、色は白というよりは、灰色。目立たないところをなめてみましたが、やはりしょっぱかったです。

On looking fat but not (yet) pregnant

Girls and women are bombarded with images of what we should look like. The skinny movie stars look incredibly sexy with their big boobs and the latest fashions are flattering only for underweight women. Is it any wonder that girls, and women, suffer from eating disorders?

Before I became pregnant, it did not occur to me that I would start worrying about the way I would look during pregnancy. After all, Paris is filled with pregnant women, many of whom working and/or active. There's nothing wrong with a little bump on my tummy, I thought. So, when my body shape progressively changed—I outgrew my bras in March, my jeans began getting tight in April, and by mid-May I was no longer able to do the top button in any of my pants—I was actually quite excited. When I started looking around for maternity clothes, however, I found that my body was not yet ready for them. I realized that maternity clothes are only made to fit women who are more than 5 months pregnant. So, heeding the advice of a friend, I bought a wonderful accessory called the BellaBand, which allows me to wear my pants with my buttons undone.

The problem, though, is that when I wear my regular pants, the BellaBand, and a normal shirt, I don't look pregnant. I just look fat.

By now it has dawned on me that images of pregnant women that we are bombarded with in the media are NOT those of "typical" pregnant women. I now understand that those women who actually LOOK pregnant are those in their third trimesters—which means that only one-third of all pregnant women actually LOOK pregnant (i.e., look the way pregnant women are supposed to look). But still, it has been extremely difficult for me to accept the way I look.

It is all the more difficult for me, because I have always battled with my weight, ever since a teenager. I have struggled to keep my BMI in the "ideal" range, and have been successful in maintaining my weight within the range for the past 2 years.

So, while I patiently wait for my body to fit into maternity clothes, I have decided to do my best to accept the way I look. I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never sport a "baby bump" such as those of celebrity women (think Angelina Jolie and Cate Blanchet on the Oscars red carpet)—but rather, I will look pregnant in my own, unique, way.

ポーランド出張：ザコパネ

ポーランド Łódź での会議の後３日間、ポーランド南部を旅行しました。

まず最初に行ったのは、スロバキアとの国境にある、タトラ山脈ふもとの Zakopane。この週末はたまたまロング・ウィークエンドと重なったため、ポーランド人の家族でにぎわっていました。ケーブル・カーで山の上まで行く予定でしたが、３時間以上待つと聞いてあきらめ、代わりに国立公園（Tatrzanski Park Narodowy）の中を散歩しました。




国立公園の入口にあった売店でソーセージを焼いていました。においに誘われ買いましたが、このソーセージは本当に美味しかった！この前を通ってソーセージを食べなかった人はいないのでは？

ソーセージを食べた後、Zakopane の町の中心部 Krupowki 通りを散歩しました。この地域はヤギのチーズ（燻製したもの？）が有名で、街中ではよく、この写真にあるようなチーズ屋さんを見かけました。上のソーセージの写真にもこのチーズがあるのがわかるでしょうか（ソーセージの手前に、アルミフォイルの上にのっているやつ）。この熱々のチーズも食べましたが、最高でした。

この通りから見える山は、「横たわっている騎士」であるといわれているそうです。右端から頭・首・体が見えます（仰向けになっている）。日本の寝仏山みたいですね。

この Krupowki 通りのすぐ近くにある古い墓地には Zakopane にゆかりのある有名人が眠っていました。石や木などで建てられたお墓の周りに豊かな緑。雰囲気が素敵でした。